I wish there was a recipe
This picture, which I love, is a sort of a metaphor for this blog. Because when I press “enhance” in iphoto, which is my craftiest photo trick to date, the juniper tree becomes a gorgeous deep green but the robin becomes something dark and smeary. Which can be taken many ways, but I’m just saying I’m not that good with technology. Further evidence is that I put up a post Wednesday and instead of it appearing on my homepage as a new post should, it slunk way down in the old posts like it was in hiding. Which, maybe it was. I was a little nervous about posting it, a little vulnerable about sharing some of my more difficult moments.
And then I had a great talk with Erin Goodman about how perhaps people are craving vulnerability and realness even more than perfect sewing (and fermenting) projects.
This was on the heels of my friend Steph telling me the response of a successful life coach, who, when asked about her biggest regret of the past 30 years responded, “speaking negatively to myself.” When Steph told me that we both paused in the slushy snow of our stroll, because holy shit, who would we be and what could we do if we didn’t engage in any negative self talk?
So, I’m trying to interpret the subtle nuances between negativity and vulnerability. I think it goes sort of like this: I suck = negativity. I don’t know what I’m doing = vulnerability.
Thank you for your insightful comments (and e-mails) thus far on more like a labyrinth. Maybe I haven’t let on but this homeschooling gig requires a dumptruck-load of trust, daily. Do I seem fearless? Because I’m not. Sometimes I need 10 chiropractic adjustments an hour, my neck gets so jacked with tension as I’m helping Col write one sentence in his journal. This may be when I start imagining him as a 43-year old illiterate lego-savant.
I’d love to open my door each morning to the dumptruck depositing a load of trust on my lawn. But trust is manufactured on the inside. I just wish there was a recipe.
Also, in announcements:
* My next writing class starts 3/12 and there are still some spaces open.
* Fun new 6512 sidebar feature: good stuff on the worldwide web. Not sure if you can see this on your phone or rss feed.
* Ginger ale is done! Bubbly and sweet and disappearing fast down sweet little mouths.