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October 22, 2012


The end.

Does that count for a whole post? Because it’s almost too painfully gorgeous to talk about. But, the oaky hills are already the drab grey of a deer’s winter hide, and it’s almost a relief, like okay, we’re not going to exist in a state of awed stupor forever.

But, big news! Rose has snapped. I mean, she’s learned how to snap her fingers, and is only slightly less excited than Dan, when he killed that bull elk with his bow. Seriously. Also, we finally figured out how to use Skype, and the kids are giddy over it. I think it makes Rose feel famous.

Also, Rose is very good at sorting and packing little bags of trail mix, and is available for hire. Apparently Col has been paying Rose to clean his room for $1. I had a few thoughts about this arrangement, but have since decided that I’d too hire a housecleaner if I could afford it.

And, Col has some tomato-drop cookies for you! This is the true manifestation of having enough tomatoes. Bowing deeply to the romas of 2012.

Okay, first the business. Winners of the Edible San Juan Mountain Magazine giveaway below. E-mail me your address and I’ll get you your magazines. Thanks for your interest, guys. Really. And all the nice things you said.

1. Erin Anderson Maxwell

2. Cait

3. Katharine

4. Becky

5. Melissa Neta

Next, addendums.Thank you for all your encouraging responses to this post, all your facebook shares and e-mails and good words. (I was nervous that all you’d hear is “Parenting? Oh yeah, we got that figured out,” and never trust me again). I added a couple more books to the resource list, and for people who were interested in the book with the most real life, practical advice, I’d recommend the very user-friendly How to Talk to Your Kids Listen, and Listen so Your Kids Talk.

I also wanted to share that Dan and I (AKA: me, explaining to Dan every 6 months, “okay, here’s our new parenting strategy,” as he’s falling asleep) came by this philosophy because there were nights I’d come to bed feeling battered from the exchanges between me and Rose. Col has always been the kind of kid to whom you could issue a time-out and he’d slink off to his room to do his penance and then return seemingly unscathed. Rose has been the kind of kid who wails and pounds on the door as you’re holding the doorknob on the other side.

Also, Rose has a lot of big emotions that have scared me, probably because, hello Mini-me, we are quite alike. But I love that we’re learning together, that I get to help her experience, at 5 years old, that all of her emotions are welcome here, which of course, is the light on the shore that guides me home as well.

And goddamn, it’s hard. I give myself a lot of time-outs on the front porch to breathe. I still get confused between helping my kids take responsibility, and punishment. And I still lose my temper more than I would like, but less than before.

Also, I realized because of a comment on that post, that I may not have given enough information when I explained that sometimes I say “no” to Rose when she asks for a snack before dinner to curtail negotiations. Dinner is the one meal that all 4 of us are regularly home for. It is a unique and special time to connect and enjoy the harmony of nourishing our bodies and spirits, together.

We close the kitchen to snacking 2 hours before dinner, because if our children come to the table with a hearty appetite they’re more likely to try new foods and participate in the ritual of a family meal. So, when Rose asks for a snack after the kitchen is closed, the answer is lovingly “no.” Hopefully that clears something up.

Dan is out deer hunting, but if you need us we’ll be here, twisting our minds over this motherfreaking puzzle.

Photo by Col. 

Happy Monday (in which I am taking 4 homeschoolers down to our local bank for a tour, for my teaching day on our new homeschool co-op unit “where does that come from?” (For which Col and I selected, “money.”) Col asked me tonight, “so how much money do you think they’re going to give us at the bank tomorrow?”



23 Comments leave one →
  1. October 22, 2012 7:30 am

    Thanks for sharing the gorgeous and fun pictures, as well as words that make me smile and think.

  2. October 22, 2012 7:41 am

    those pictures are gorgeous! oh how I long for autumn….
    and thumbs up to Col for snapping that last one too :)

  3. October 22, 2012 8:17 am

    Thank you again. Thank you. We read the How to talk and the Sibling book that goes with it over the summer. Made some changes but not enough. Because of your post, I’m actually seeking out parenting workshops in my area like the ones you posted about and the ones they talk about in those books. Because my eldest is mini-me and just like what you described. Oh! It feels wonderful not to be alone. It really does. But I could use a little group to bounce things off of! Thank you again for the nudge.

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      October 22, 2012 8:30 am


      I know how it is to be so inspired by a book, and then the sibling shit hits the fan, you lose your temper and it all seems to fall away. So, good for you for seeking out parenting workshops in your area. Consider signing up for Aha! Parenting’s free e-mails. They are fairly short and like a daily vaccination against losing it and reverting to punishment.

      xo Rachel

  4. October 22, 2012 8:26 am

    I LOVED your last post…thank you! I’m working my way through How to Talk…and am still such a novice. I’m trying though.

    Those fall pictures are dreamy.

  5. October 22, 2012 8:46 am

    The first photo set took my breath away. Loving these parenting posts. Thank you for taking the time to share, they help tremendously. xo

  6. Ike permalink
    October 22, 2012 9:18 am

    Wow great autumn photos.
    Money still puzzles me. I look forward to hearing what you and the kids have to say.

  7. October 22, 2012 9:20 am

    i love the last pic so much, partly because it gave me a wonderful laugh and now my day is starting out better, and also because it encapsulates How It Is. i feel like that pic on a daily basis…here i am, bent over, back hurting, knees on a cold floor, puzzling out the intricacies of life and how to help us both navigate it, and really…who’s idea was it to do this puzzle anyway…while babes is supported and learning and relaxed by my effort.

    i really love hearing about your nitty gritty. thank you. xoxo

  8. Emily J. permalink
    October 22, 2012 10:41 am

    Ha ha! The part about telling your husband “okay, here’s our new parenting strategy” as he’s falling asleep, made me laugh so hard I had to turn away from the computer to keep from spraying the water I was drinking all over my laptop. So similar to my husband and I. I’m always the one feverishly reading through parenting books or books like “Happier at Home” trying to find the secret ingredient to a peaceful home life and he just seems to be a little bewildered when I try to change things up.

  9. October 22, 2012 2:22 pm

    I am a big believer in the parental time out. I’ve got three little emotional heavyweight Mini-Me’s over here. It took me awhile, but I’ve realized that sometimes the best thing for all of us is for me to walk out of the room and breathe.

    Just reserved How to Talk at the library. Thanks for the tip!

    Hope you guys made out like bandits at the bank. (I mean, not literal bandits, but you know…)

  10. October 22, 2012 3:29 pm

    Just want to say that I love, love, love this blog. I read it all the time. Every post. You inspire me. Thank you.

    • Rachel Turiel permalink*
      October 22, 2012 9:32 pm

      Well, thank you so much for saying so.

      xo Rachel

  11. October 22, 2012 3:31 pm

    Oh wise one, so grateful for your words and honesty. Parenting is so much more about growing and learning so that we can be examples of well rounded people, and so much less about wagging our fingers and giving orders. You’re last few posts have been excellent reminders of that. If we want our children to becoming graceful, respectful, open and honest, well rounded adults, than we have to raise them that way! I find I am often questioning my parenting style, wondering if I am disciplining/giving boundaries based on what I’ve seen modeled to me, or if it’s going to portray love/grace and healthy social skills?!! Ack. Parenting is such an onion-thing, isn’t it?! layers upon layers of learning and unlearning. Oh and I sent you a friend request on FB cause I am eager to get more glimpses of your wisdom, wit and weirdness (weirdness that I adore!). No pressure, of course. I wont be bitter if you want to keep your ‘friends’ to people you actually know :) Blessings~

  12. October 22, 2012 5:27 pm

    Gorgeous is the right word for those pictures. And I should have let the kids make some of those drop cookies too. I also bow to the tomato crop of 2012. It nearly beat me.

  13. October 22, 2012 10:06 pm

    Drool. Those leaves are amazing. And Mommy timeouts on the porch are critical to well-being … everyone’s well-being.

  14. Melissa permalink
    October 23, 2012 12:52 am

    I had Lilit at the bank with me today and she started a little singsong that went something like, “moneeeeyyy, we’re going to get some moneeeyyyy,” and i felt compelled to jabber on about how we keep our money in the bank and blah blah. and then she asked for a pink lollipop.

    But even though I am trying to play it cool I am soooooo happy about getting the magazine!!! Email coming right up amiga!!! xoxox

    ps. i keep talking about your parenting article to people and need to take the 5 minutes to do the fb share thing. i am so low tech!

  15. Barb permalink
    October 23, 2012 7:25 pm

    Rachel, the last pic above of Rose with the carrots has SO much Adams family genes showing. Ask Judy if it reminds her of pics of Helen or Eleanor Dart as young girls, or even of my mom and our Aunt Alice in pics from the 20s. I have also always thought Col looked like a young Paul Dart… in any case, Col is looking so grown up! Miss you guys, xoxo

  16. October 23, 2012 8:58 pm

    My goodness I don’t know how you can live with the beauty of those trees! I’d be overwhelmed. And I hear you on the “mini-me”; I have one here (the older one). Plus, some pretty big emotions of my own. Going now to read this post that you’ve linked here (I’ve missed quite a bit in the past few weeks) …

  17. October 24, 2012 8:11 am

    Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. And funny, isn’t it, how parenting the kid that is most like oneself is often the most challenging…my mini-me is as stubborn as an old goat, so daily sparring matches ensue.

  18. November 2, 2012 10:06 pm

    Hahaha! I have a Mini Me who just feels God help us all.
    And we had the craziest puzzle book of like 20 puzzles in one. I told my son to only take out one puzzle’s pieces at a time. Yeah right. He dumped out every single one. I dumped the mess into one of his drawers. Six months ago. Yesterday, I dumped it all into a nice bag and put it in the thrift store pile. I’m not that crazy.

  19. Nasha Winters permalink
    November 5, 2012 7:12 pm

    Sent from my iPhonepppwnhg h

  20. January 23, 2015 8:38 am

    Good article!


  1. On My Mind: 10.29.12

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